Archive for November 1st, 2010

RNC defends “Status Quo” votes

Monday, November 1st, 2010

(Faux News Network)

This exclusive report was filed by our political reporter, Stacy Conundrum

A spokesperson for the RNC in a telephone interview defended the Republican Party Congressional position of opposing all Democratic actions.  “Look, we’re the loyal opposition.  It’s our job to say ‘No’ to the other party.  Besides, our position is to defend at all cost the status quo.  In our point of view, the glorious Bush administration reached new heights of important initiatives and we must defend against the ignorance of the Democrats who want to change that Bush legacy.  We are sworn enemies of all who want to inconvenience businesses like the banks and Wall Street with regulations that restrict their creativity.  The Democratic plan to hobble the medical insurance corporations is blatantly unfair to the corporations who must now issue policies on sick people. That is a preposterous regulation.  How can an insurer make profits if it has insure sick people?  And all those environmental regulations?   We will fight those who try to limit the profits of major corporations through silly laws like filling out safety and emergency plans before drilling new oil wells.

“On another Democratic initiative, we oppose tax increases on the wealthy because that could negatively impact our contributions from those wealth folks.

On the Bush Legacy:

“As you can see, our position isn’t simply being obstinate, it’s a defense of the status quo and a defense of President Bush’s legacy.

“We have a series of plans in place to continue that wonderful legacy as soon as we regain power.  We will lower taxes on corporations; we will eliminate these nonsensical regulations that limit the ingenuity of the corporate America.  We will celebrate the resurgence of the Bush-Cheney regime by offering a tax holiday to all citizens who make over a million dollars a year.  That will compensate them for the anguish they suffered worrying about what the Democrats would do to their excess earnings.”

On Corporate Donations:

When asked how much money the Party had received from corporations, the spokesperson replied, “The amount of money raised has been too small to be tabulated so I can’t answer your question.  This is a typical question from the liberal media. It constantly searches for the answers to nitpick questions that are of no interest to the Republican Party devotees.”