This blog site is now defunct. I’ve reorganized my web presence and started a new website dedicated to the two Strange Worlds I’ve created for my characters to romp around in. The URL is http://strangeworldsonline.com
All my new blog posts will be on http://strangeworldsonline.blogspot.com
This includes all new Faux News Network reports, my rants and occcasional bits of wisdom.
Come on over and subscribe to ensure you get the latest posts
Ms. Marcia Hammerhead will be the Mistress of Ceremonies for the party. You can watch her 
recent interview with Mr. Quense on YouTube.
And now, here is Ms Hammerhead.
Ms. Hammerhead: I don’t know why I have to do this stuff. I hate genre fiction. Especially Quense’s fiction. Unfortunately, I need the money, so here goes.
This launch party is a virtual scavenger hunt. If you go to various websites and find the correct pages, you can accumulate prizes that aren’t virtual, they’re real stuff. However, if you’re looking for true literature, you’re out of luck. The prizes are all trashy genre stuff.
First off, go the website http://strangeworldsonline.com. This is the home page. Your job is to find the Zaftan Miscreants main page. On that page you’ll see what you won.
Next, go to Facebook, find the Strange Worlds Online page and click on “like”. (Why you would ‘like’ this escapes me.) This entitles you to win one, possibly two ebooks filled with genre garbage. If you’re unlucky, you may even win an ebook copy of Tales From Gundalrland, more of Quense’s drivel.
Personally, I think you should skip this scavenger hunt, get a copy of Moby Dick or Shakespeare’s plays and read some true literature.
But, what do I know? By the way, don’t bother to watch the interview. It’s terrible.
Zaftan Entrepreneurs is the first book in a trilogy. The second book, Zaftan Miscreants, will become available on
October 15. To celebrate, I’m offering discounts on the first book for the rest of the month. The ebook will be discounted 50% and the print edition will have a one-third discount. Go to the Strange Worlds website for more details.
The LL Book Review site has posted a review on my novel. In part it reads:
Hank has managed to combine elements of politics and humor to create this epic tale. As he promised Hank has shown us an undiscovered side of Sci-Fi that has not been seen before. It’s
brilliantly unique. He’s managed to cram so many opposing themes and made them flow together. Its kinda like a meal of Brussels sprouts and ice-cream and he’s managed to make it taste like chocolate
My first thought was…quirky, unique, completely original, different, extraordinary… I could go on spewing out a torrent of synonyms but I think you get the point
I see that this book has been quite hyped as being full of laughs and although still funny I wouldn’t say it was comedy, more like wit than anything else. It reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series and very much like Pratchett’s books I can see this coming a long way and perhaps becoming a cult favorite.
I look forward to reading Zaftan Miscreants, the next in the planned three book series, and as much as I think that it’ll be every bit as good as its predecessor I am slightly disappointed that the book is set two hundred and fifty years after the first, I would of liked to see more of the characters. With a little recognition this could go a long way and I wish Hank Quense to have continued good fortune with his writing. I did forget to mention that ZE has also picked up a Readers Favorite award. To conclude, it’s a brilliant book that shows a new side of Sci-Fi rarely seen before. Buy it!
Here is the complete list of book sellers
(Author’s Note: the characters in this book aren’t in retirement. They may be back for more adventure, but without the smelly aliens)
For your reading enjoyment, here is the opening scene from Chasing Dreams, a novella that tells of the journey of twin brothers as they progress from strong-armed thugs to highway bandits to bawdy house owners to politicians. Along the way, they are harassed by vigilantes posing as heroes.
This novella is in Tales From Gundarland, a collection of six humorous short stories and two novellas
CHASING DREAMS
PART ONE: THE RETURN OF ZARRO
Zarro pulled down the black mask to cover the upper part of his face then peeked over the edge of the roof. On the hanging platform below, a trembling dwarf stood over a trap door with a noose around his neck. He had been caught stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving wife and six dwarflings, a common event in the town of Mud Flats. A large crowd had gathered to watch the entertainment and to enjoy the fine spring weather.
He took in the rest of the platform and gulped. Three yuk guards! He expected to face only one. Two at
the most. Ferocious fighters, the large, green-skinned yuks wouldn’t take kindly to his interference and they were twice as tall and twice as wide as a dwarf like him. All three wore the constabulary uniform: tan breeches and shirts open to their navels because their thick, clumsy fingers couldn’t handle the buttons.
Zarro stood up, smoothed his black tunic and checked that his black pants were tucked into the top of his black boots. Satisfied with his appearance, he uncoiled his bull whip and snapped it forward. The end wrapped around the stout timber supporting the noose. He put a death-grip on the handle, took a deep breath, leaped off the roof and flew towards the platform, his cape flapping behind him like a demented bat.
“It’s Zarro!” a spectator yelled.
“Zarro has returned!” another screamed.
The whip unraveled and Zarro added to the chorus of screams before he crashed onto the platform and bumped the prisoner. A gasping sound came from the dwarf as he dangled at the end of the noose and scrabbled to get his feet back on the platform. Zarro dropped the whip, pulled out his cutlass and hacked through the rope. The dwarf fell into the crowd.
“Wot’s this then?” a dwarf in the front row said. “No hangin’?”
“I been standin’ inna hot sun for hours,” another said. “I ain’t gonna be cheated.”
The spectators threw the sobbing prisoner back onto the platform.
Two yuks charged Zarro from different angles. He shifted his feet, got them tangled in the whip and fell on his face just as the yuks slashed with their swords. Both constables stabbed each other in the leg. Their swords clattered to the platform as Zarro scrambled to his feet and faced the last yuk.
“Zarro!” The crowd roared.
Zarro backed up. His opponent growled in anger and strode forward, his cutlass raised over his head. Zarro gulped. His sword was less than half as long as the other’s blade.
“A half-penny says Zarro loses his guts,” a spectator yelled.
“Done,” another replied.
Before the yuk could strike, Zarro’s donkey, Belinda, trotted up the steps in the rear of the platform. The wood planks shook and bounced as she ran over to the yuk and bit his shoulder. The yuk howled and dropped his sword. Zarro thanked the Fates that Belinda hated yuks even more than she hated him. He looked around for the prisoner and saw him hurrying away surrounded by a bunch of dwarflings. A female walked backwards holding a stout tree branch and threatened anyone who came close.
He fetched his whip and coiled it. Then, with rapid slashes of his sword, incised the letter Z on the yuk’s chest. He crept close to Belinda from behind and leaped into the saddle.
“Zarro!” the crowd yelled over and over.
Belinda stood on her rear legs and shook herself.
“Stop trying to throw me, you stupid animal.” Zarro barely held on.
The crowd cheered.
Zarro held the reins and squeezed his calves as tight as he could. Belinda leaped into the air and bucked while trying to bite Zarro’s foot. He bashed the back of her head with the whip handle.
“Zarro!” the crowd roared.
Belinda jumped off the platform and ran towards the woods. Zarro’s cape billowing and snapping like a loose sail.
He managed to duck in time as Belinda ran under a low-hanging branch trying to scrape him out of the saddle.
“Zarro!” the crowd screamed.
Below is a picture of Lt. Klatze, the heroine of my new novel Zaftan Miscreants: book 2 of the Zaftan Trilogy. Talented and stunningly beautiful, it’s no wonder Commodore Gongeblazn lusts after her.
This beauty was created by Gary Tenuta, the artist who creates my covers. He can be contacted through his website: http://www.bookcoversandvideos.webs.com/
Governor Perry plans to issue a statement tomorrow concerning the release of scientific claims. Faux New Network political reporter Stacy Conundrum got a copy in advance.
September 26, 2011. For immediate release:
I deplore President Obama’s hands-off approach to all the phony claims that the scientific community issues with impunity. As if the ludicrous claims about global warming and climate change aren’t bad enough, now the scientists have issued a claim that flies in the face of the bible. Their report that some particle traveled at greater than light speed must be treated as absurd.
According to the Bible and Genesis, God created light. It is inconceivable that He would create light and not establish an upper speed limit. Therefore the claim that some particle (that no one has ever seen!) traveled faster than the speed of light borders on blasphemy.
I call on President Obama to initiate strict controls over these phony scientific claims.
I have heard the experiment took place in Geneva and Obama had no control over it. Utter nonsense. I don’t care if the experiment took place in a town called Geneva in Wisconsin, Illinois, Ohio or some other state, the President has an obligation to control the scientists and regulate their pernicious reports.
After I’m elected President, scientists will be prohibited from issue reports unless, and until, they are approved by my advisors. Certainly, no reports will be issued that are in conflict with the Bible.
Reverend Marcus Antonio, a TV evangelist, held a press conference today to explain the new policy of his Mount Jordan Holy Temple and Drive-Through Confessional (™). Faux News Network religious reporter Matthew Mark Lukejohn covered the event.
Rev. Antonio: I listened to Reverend Pat Robertson explain his amazing revelation that a husband can divorce a wife with Alzheimer’s. It was a watershed event in modern religious life. I applaud Rev Pat’s courage in speaking out about this new view. His disclosure triggered my own revelation.
I have been reliably informed by the Archangel Michael that suicide can be forgiven in advance under certain conditions. The Archangel appeared to me two nights ago and I have prayed ever since for a sign that it was really Michael and not the Arch-fiend.
My prayers were answered. A dollar sigh appeared to me while I slept last night and I knew Michael sent it to me. When I awoke I started a crusade to take away the stigma of suicide.
If someone has the need to kill themselves, I implore them to make an appointment with me or one of my franchised Certified Suicide Forgivers (™) who will soon spread into every state.
My Forgivers, acting as facilitators, will probe the need for the suicide to ensure only serious reasons are present and that the individual truly wants pre-forgiveness. After those conditions are met, the potential suiciders are asked to sign a document assigning his/her entire estate to the MJHT&DC ™ Once a notary public has notarized the document, the person is authorized to commit suicide without prejudicing his soul. Further, if the suicider brings a weapon with him/her, the Forgiver will bless it at no extra charge, thus making it a holy weapon.
For civil law reasons the suicidal person is urged to kill him/herself with twelve hours so the authorities can’t interfere as the Forgivers are required to inform them within a day of the meeting.
I rejoice that so many misguided souls can now be saved from the anguish of eternal hellfire through the simple act of asking forgiveness prior to the fatal deed.
Matthew Mark Lukejohn: If the suicide attempt fails is the signed and notarized document still valid or has it expired.
Rev. Antonio: This press conference is over.
In a shocking and unprecedented move, the NFL announced that the New York Giants have been eliminated from contending for a playoff spot.
FNN sports reporter, Jock Strapper, talked with an NFL spokeswoman. She said, “New York is a huge market and the Giants have thousands of fans. Unfortunately, the Giants are a defense minded football team and their defense has been decimated with season-ending injuries. The rest of the team plays uninspired football with little enthusiasm. Football evolves, it always has, but the Giant coaching staff is stuck in the past and shows no creativity, especially in its play calling.
“Under these circumstances, the NFL feels that we shouldn’t give false hope to those thousands of fans who root and pray that the Giants will make it to the playoffs this year. Ain’t gonna happen.
“So to alleviate the end-of-year disappointment of those fans, we pulled the plug on the Giants. We think Giant fans will appreciate what we did after a few more games.”
The spokesperson went to say that the NFL reserves the right to reverse this decision and it will be reviewed after Thanksgiving.
This has been a Faux New Network exclusive sports report
New York Mets manager Terry Collins said in an exclusive interview with FNN sports reporter Jock Strapper that he “… feels the Mets have met the expectation of the team’s management and of the fans. It looks like we’ll finish around .500, exactly where a mediocre team should be at the end of the season. I predicted this in the spring, but it wasn’t as easy I thought it would be.”
When asked what proved to be difficult, he answered, “Our starting pitchers were better than we though they’d be in spring training. Fortunately, we had some creativity from the bullpen and they blew a number of games that looked like we could win. Losing those games was a team effort and I have say I’m pleased with that. Even when we were up by a big score, we didn’t give up. The other team kept scoring and, in the end, we tallied another loss.”
Collins was asked what he though was the turning point in the season. “Clearly, it was early on when Ike Davis and David Wright got hurt. When those two big bats in the lineup, we were on our way to more than a .500 season. Frankly, without those injuries, I think we would have been hard pressed not to win quite a few more games. Later on, our best hitters, Jose Reyes and Daniel Murphy sustained injuries and the kept us from getting off track.”
When asked about next year, he replied, “I’m sure our management will try to add a few less-than-stellar players to help weaken our bench. I have a lot of trust in the upper office. They’ll do their level best to keep us uncompetitive.”
